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Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed
You know it. Vreemd dat ik tot nu toe niet heb gelogd over dit fenomeen, terwijl ik toch een bekend tegenstander van stupiditeiten ben, niet? Ach, ik achtte eigenlijk dit fenomeen stompzinnig  genoeg om zichzelf te verslaan. Maar toen kwam ik dit juweeltje tegen op het internet. Toch even delen:
 
Our great nation was founded on, among other things, the right to free speech and free inquiry. But now, math departments all across America are stifling alternative views to the theory of "2+2=4" (subsequently referred to as "quatrism"). A growing body of evidence that suggests the possibility that 2+2=5 (quintism) is being systematically excluded by dogmatic quatrists. "Expelled," a new movie by noted American badass extraordinaire Ben Stein, explores how Big Math is unconstitutionally denying a voice to quintists everywhere, even firing math teachers for discussing the controversy.

"They've clearly shown that 2+2=4 is their god," said Billy Bob Whitetrash, a noted quintism mathematician at the Obscurantism Institute, a think tank engaged in many legal battles over the teaching of quatrism. "But on Judgment Day, let's see how they answer to God for their demonic faith."

The movie goes on to show how Adolf Hitler, believing that 2+2=4, decided to commit genocide. "There's a straight line from 2+2=4 to Auschwitz," said Sally Jo Dumbass, a professor of European history at Liberty University. "Once people start believing in quatrism, all hell breaks loose. 2+2=5 is the only source of moral behavior that we know of."

Liberals will clearly be upset that Expelled questions their numerical dogma. But people of faith finally have a voice in math. See it today with someone you love.

Reacties

Gralgrathor op 17-04-2008 12:24
This just in! The Darwino-atheist cabal has simultaneously eliminated every theology and world religions department on Earth!
 
When asked for a justification, Dr. Charles Hawkins, author of A Brief History on the Origin of the Blind Watchmaker and holder of the George Holyoake Chair of Spreading Atheism and Eating Babies at Cambroxforidge, has explained that this was a necessary step, since these departments were bastions of people uttering the idea that maybe the universe and life could have been created on purpose. "Clearly," said Dr. Hawkins, "we cannot allow this outdated dogma to thrive even in religious studies departments. Whilst we greatly regret any inconvenience this causes to the tens of thousands of seminarians and religious studies majors, a couple of weeks vacation in one of our many re-education camps should bring the lot of them to some more useful choice of majors." 
Gralgrathor op 28-04-2008 11:43
Okay, we give in. 
Scientific American, Editorial Section 
 
There's no easy way to admit this. For years, helpful letter writers told us to stick to science. They pointed out that science and politics don't mix. They said we should be more balanced in our presentation of such issues as creationism, missile defense and global warming. We resisted their advice and pretended not to be stung by the accusations that the magazine should be renamed Unscientific American, or Scientific Unamerican, or even Unscientific Unamerican. But spring is in the air, and all of nature is turning over a new leaf, so there's no better time to say: you were right, and we were wrong.

In retrospect, this magazine's coverage of so-called evolution has been hideously one-sided. For decades, we published articles in every issue that endorsed the ideas of Charles Darwin and his cronies. True, the theory of common descent through natural selection has been called the unifying concept for all of biology and one of the greatest scientific ideas of all time, but that was no excuse to be fanatics about it. Where were the answering articles presenting the powerful case for scientific creationism? Why were we so unwilling to suggest that dinosaurs lived 6,000 years ago or that a cataclysmic flood carved the Grand Canyon? Blame the scientists. They dazzled us with their fancy fossils, their radiocarbon dating and their tens of thousands of peer-reviewed journal articles. As editors, we had no business being persuaded by mountains of evidence.


Moreover, we shamefully mistreated the Intelligent Design (ID) theorists by lumping them in with creationists. Creationists believe that God designed all life, and that's a somewhat religious idea. But ID theorists think that at unspecified times some unnamed superpowerful entity designed life, or maybe just some species, or maybe just some of the stuff in cells. That's what makes ID a superior scientific theory: it doesn't get bogged down in details.


Good journalism values balance above all else. We owe it to our readers to present everybody's ideas equally and not to ignore or discredit theories simply because they lack scientifically credible arguments or facts. Nor should we succumb to the easy mistake of thinking that scientists understand their fields better than, say, U.S. senators or best-selling novelists do. Indeed, if politicians or special-interest groups say things that seem untrue or misleading, our duty as journalists is to quote them without comment or contradiction. To do otherwise would be elitist and therefore wrong. In that spirit, we will end the practice of expressing our own views in this space: an editorial page is no place for opinions.


Get ready for a new Scientific American. No more discussions of how science should inform policy. If the government commits blindly to building an anti-ICBM defense system that can't work as promised, that will waste tens of billions of taxpayers' dollars and imperil national security, you won't hear about it from us. If studies suggest that the administration's antipollution measures would actually increase the dangerous particulates that people breathe during the next two decades, that's not our concern. No more discussions of how policies affect science either-so what if the budget for the National Science Foundation is slashed? This magazine will be dedicated purely to science, fair and balanced science, and not just the science that scientists say is science. And it will start on April Fools' Day.
 
Gralgrathor op 29-04-2008 16:39
"Hello, Baseball Hall of Fame. This is ALice, how can I direct your call?" "Hi, Alice. I wanted to know how one can get into the Hall of Fame?
"Well, you must have 10 years experience playing in the Majors..."
"ok..."
"be 5 years retired..."
"yeah..."
"have your name submitted by either the Veterans Committee or the Baseball Writers Association of America to the Hall for consideration..."
"alright...."
"...and then the entire league and other established people related to Baseball vote on your induction. It's as simple as that."
"Well I don't know if I'd call that simple, but whatever. I should be in the Hall cuz I'm Awesome!"
"I see, well if you..."
"Hey, Check it out. I sent you guys a highlight reel to show how awesome I am at baseball. You should really look at it, cuz when you see it, you'll have to let me into the Hall."
"Well sir I do see your emailed highlight reel but, besides the fact that I'm a receptionist and don't have any say concerning inductees, I've already explained that there are rules and..."
"Just watch the highlight reel, you'll see."
"sigh, OK sir if you insist. Let's see..."
"Are you watching?"
"Ummm yes. Uh, sir? This is just a video of you and some other people running around in a field with baseball gear."
"Yeah, am I awesome or what? Oh man, I'm sooo getting in the Hall of Fame."
"Sir? Besides the fact that you meet none of our criteria, you don't even look like you are playing baseball here"
"Wait, what? What do you mean "not playing baseball"?"
"Well, I see players in matching uniforms doing things like throwing bats back and forth, wearing 2 gloves, this one has a hockey stick, and it seems like you have ...5 ...6 .....7 bases. I don't see a pitchers mound anywhere, there's only one team, and there are no umpires anywhere."
"Oh yeah, the guy with the hockey stick is my cousin, Josephus-Bob. He's a little slow, don't pay any attention to him."
"I see"
"But It IS baseball. There are uniforms, bats, balls, gloves, bases, everything that counts for it to be baseball. It's IB, or Intelligent Baseball. That's my team, the Coral Ridge Thumpers. We have open minds so we don't allow ourselves to limited by the elitist and dogmatic Doubledayists that control all the sports in the world."
"What the hell...?"
"Surely you realize ALice that Doubledayist thought isn't the only view of baseball? It was really good when it was first thought of but it's really outdated and it has lots of holes in it. It doesn't do anything to explain how the stadium got there and has NO answers at all in terms of how to score a touchdown."
"A touchdown... in Baseball? There are no touchdowns in Baseball."
"There you go again with the Doubledayism. Last time I checked this was AMerica and my rights are protected by the Magnum Carter! You know there are many players in the league who don't accept Doubledayism as baseball fact."
"Come again?"
"Sure. Lots of players managers and owners all over the Major leagues. There's lots of controversy. The league is pretty evenly split between doubledayists and those who choose to think baseball is officiated by a higher power. It's just a liberal conspiracy by the doubledayists to make you think that everybody in baseball accepts doubleday's rules."
"THat's ridiculo...."
"Doubleday was resposible for Pearl Harbor!"
"WHAT?!?!?"
"Oh C'mon. Wake up, Alice. Doubledayism spread to Japan in 1940. DO you think that was a coincidence? Doubledayism leads to Social Doubledayism, that's a fact. Doubledayists say it's ok to steal bases. Since they didn't have any religion over there (except some ching chong mumbo jumbo) they didn't know "Thou shalt not steal". After a year of Doubledayism, they came to the conclusion that it was fine to "steal" Pearl harbor. I can't think of a clearer link! Now they sell used underwear in vending machines! If that's not a clear indictment of Doubledayism, I don't know what is!"
"Sir, you are crazy...."
"Oh I see, Ad hopalong attacks now. I don't accept Doubleday so I'm a looneytoon, is that it? Well miss, the Founding Fathers never pledged allegiance to Doubleday. I suppose they're fruitcakes too? Move back to Russia where you belong!"
"Sir, I don't have time for this. You are simply not eligible for the baseball hall of fame."
"Not eligible? Listen, I play baseball. You've seen the tape, I'm awesome! I play on a team with bats, balls, gloves, and everything. I have just as much right to be in the Hall as Babe Ruth. Just because I'm not a rank and file Doubledayist, I'm not allowed. I say one little thing questioning Doubleday and you're all "you can't be in the Hall". That's persecution! I think the American people should be the ones who get to decide who gets into the Hall of Fame. Most Americans believe in IB but are afraid to speak out because of the oppressive elitist Doubledayists"
"I'm hanging up now...."
"Right, shun me. That's very decent of you. Typical morals for a Doubledayist. What are you so afraid of? Why does an alternate point of view terrify you so much? Must be that your Doubledayist brainwashing isn't that rock solid, huh? That's the only answer that makes any sense. Hello? Hello? Oh great, yeah just hang up and shut me out! I'll teach that idolater. Get Ben Stein on the phone! We need to make another movie! "Called OUT: No Hockeysticks allowed".
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